Tubarao on Sex, Love, and Women

Life is not a Romance Book

2010-03-09T12:45:00.000-08:00

Movies, TV commercials, and society at large would have you believe that meeting people and getting into relationships is like an exciting romance novel. Women spend their life waiting for the "perfect man" to sweep them off their feet. They picture that huge diamond ring (which has absolutely no value at all other than what we've been brainwashed to believe), and they picture that huge (and very expensive wedding). Their fantasy usually doesn't go past that point (who cares what happens afterward; everything will just magically work out). Men too get sucked into believing it. Unfortunately, at least half of all marriages end in divorce, and if you add ALL relationships to the pot, then the statistic is more like 90% of relationships fail. Clearly there's not much reality behind the fantasy.

Nothing in life will ever get handed to you on a silver platter, no matter how much of an entitlement complex you've been raised with. No man or woman is perfect. No relationship is perfect. A relationship can't be MADE perfect by simply throwing enough money at a ring and wedding. These are all delusions that unfortunately bite many people in the ass. If you want your life to be a happy one, YOU are the one who has to make it happy. There's nobody out there who will do it FOR you.

The mass illusion that's inflicted on us makes a great excuse for never having to take charge of our own happiness. We keep expecting the perfect man or woman, the perfect job, the perfect house, the perfect LIFE, to be just around the corner. But given the crumbling housing values, skyrocketing unemployment, vanishing pensions, along with oft-failing relationships, our illusions as a society are cracking. This is actually a GOOD thing, because we as individuals can perhaps finally wake up from our long dream and take charge of our own reality.

Picture where you want to be, and who you want to be WITH. Think about it honestly and seriously, with no delusions. Then think about what you have to do to get there. No doubt it will take a long time and a lot of work, but nobody will do this for you. As long as you delay setting off on this path of personal discovery, you will NOT be happy (except perhaps by dumb luck, but don't count on that).

Where are you now, and is it really leading you to where you want to be?

~Tubarao

End It on a High Note

2010-03-08T13:27:00.000-08:00

Whether you're talking about going out on a date with a woman, or being in a relationship with a woman, you should end it on a high note. In both cases, the reason is the same. You want to end your interaction with her on a POSITIVE note, so that she remembers you favorably afterward.

On a date, this means ending the date at the high point, when she's laughing and having a great time. Most men - if the date is going really well - will try to keep it going, hoping for sex at the end, or at least something near to sex. However, once the date has passed its high point, it will only go DOWN from there. And the harder you try to push for sex after that high point, the more awkward the woman will feel. If instead you exercise a little patience, and are willing to end the date on the high point, you will progress a lot farther the next time, when she's feeling more comfortable with you.

Of course, there are times when you can push a first date right to sex, but unless you're both drunk and horny at a party, it's not very common. Experienced masters of seduction will call this a "limiting belief", but if you're reading this blog for advice on how to deal with women, then you're probably not at a point where you can fuck a woman on a first date. And I'm of the opinion that even if you CAN, you shouldn't, because if you wait a couple extra dates before you fuck her, it will result in a better relationship in the long run. Unfortunately, due to what they're taught by their parents, media, and society all their lives, most women don't allow themselves to fuck on a first date, and if they do, they often feel shamed about it and would not want to see the man again. This is why when a woman counts how many guys she's fucked, she typically ignores all of her one-night-stands ("they don't count").

Being a man, your ultimate goal when going on a date is sex (it is). But if you push for it on that first date, you are likely to ruin what could have been a good thing. If instead you end the relationship on a high note, she will REMEMBER you as a fun and exciting guy, and she will LOOK FORWARD to her next date with you. She will want to see you again, and the next time the date will go farther (as long as you continue to behave as a dominant and sexual man; if you wait for her to make the first move, she never will).

Similar advice applies when you're in a relationship with a woman, whether she's an FB (fuck buddy), an MLTR (one of your multiple long term relationships), or an LTR (long term relationship, or girlfriend). Many men, when they sense that a relationship is heading downhill, make the mistake of CLINGING to the woman. When a man clings to a woman, it makes him less attractive to her, which causes the relationship to degrade faster, which makes the man cling even more. By the time the relationship ends, the woman has no attraction for the man whatsoever and can't wait to escape. There is nearly zero chance for the man to EVER rekindle this relationship.

If however the man ends the relationship while it's still positive, then the woman will remember him positively! This may seem counter-intuitive; after all, why would you end a relationship that's going well? The idea here is that you're starting to sense that the relationship isn't going as well as you would like it, but it's still generally positive. Most men delude themselves into believing that relationships will last forever, and that if there's a road bump, all they have to do is "act nicer" and everything will get smoothed over. NO! This will only result in what I mentioned above. Instead, you have to make the difficult choice and end it right then! Call it "taking a break" or what have you, but if you end the relationship on a high note, SHE will want to get back with you. This will cause the tension to re-escalate, and will rebuild her attraction for you! Then once you let her back (after a healthy wait of a few weeks), the relationship will be strong again.

A reader's first reaction might be, "but wait, if I just break up with her for no reason, she'll be MAD, and then she'll be gone forever." That's because he's basing it on prior experiences where the relationship has ended when it was already on a low note. And yes, she MAY react with anger or sadness at first (because she doesn't want it to end!), but as long as you stay positive, and make her realize you're not ending it vindictively, she will still feel strongly attracted to you. Of course it IS possible that she won't come back, but if a relationship is headed down hill anyway, what difference does it make. Of course, in order to follow this advice, you have to be able to meet NEW WOMEN. If you don't know how to meet new women, then you will of course have a terrible fear of losing whoever you're with, and you will be just like the clingy man above who drives his relationships into the dirt.

~Tubarao

Obsessing over that "Special Girl"

2009-08-10T12:28:00.001-07:00

I've heard from a lot of guys who've dumped or gotten dumped by a woman, and not just the typical AFCs (Average Frustrated Chumps), but more experienced guys as well. The common theme I'm seeing is "the typical advice of GFTOW (Go Fuck Ten Other Women) doesn't work", with the underlying subcommunication being "one-itis (obsessing over one woman) is OK", or "she really WAS special!" I need to put my HAMMER down before this gets out of hand.

The women you are with ARE special, otherwise you wouldn't be with them in the first place (this one better be true). All of the women I'm with aren't just special, they're fucking incredible. They're fun, smart, spontaneous, super loyal, very sexy, HSE (High Self Esteem), HD (High Sexual Drive), and all the other acronyms and adjectives that guys want in their relationships. I have super super high standards, and I refuse to settle for anything less. At the same time these women KNOW that I can walk away. Everything that they give to me, they do because they want to keep me in their lives, and even then they often worry that it won't be enough. I don't place expectations on women, they can come and go as they please. BUT, if they want me in their lives, they know that they have to make it worthwhile for me.

Men's dating advice is mostly about getting SEX. But men need more than just sex. They also need AFFECTION. Just because being an Alpha male is a lonely business (credit Franco) does NOT mean that you are immune to this need for affection. But your game has to be suited to getting ALL of your needs met. If you can get LAID whenever you want, but you can't get AFFECTION, then your game is INCOMPLETE. When I say affection, it can be physical affection (cuddles, kissing, sharing a bed, whatever), loyalty (knowing she's there when you need her, however you define this), her doing things for you, etc. These are rooted in your need for safety (via physical proximity to others), your ego (men are egotistical, get used to it), and your survival (via resources from others).

Personally, I have little to no interest in ONS (One Night Stands). I can jerk off and have the same amount of sexual satisfaction. She leaves in the morning and that's it. For me, I only pursue and fuck women who will stay in my life for some duration. So when I say GFTOW, it's usually with the slant of: Fuck ten other women who meet ALL OF YOUR NEEDS. If you fuck ten women, but NONE of them give you any affection, then OF COURSE you will obsess over your one-itis Ex who gave you shit tons of affection. It's a fucking drug. Every woman you ONS will give you a tiny hit of that drug, but it will only make you miss the constant source of affection that much more.

For guys who come looking for advice who are already in an LTR (Long Term Relationship), but who don't know how to meet new women, their problem is obvious (they need to learn to meet new women). For more experienced guys who CAN meet women and who are in a relationship, the problem is more difficult to figure out. They're like, "well, I can meet new women, but it's not working; clearly it doesn't work. What's wrong? My Ex must have been truly special! I need her back!!!" No, it's STILL a problem of LACK OF GAME. You have failed to develop the tools to get what you want. If you make $500,000, that seems like a lot, but if you need a million to pay your mortgage, then it's NOT ENOUGH. For other guys, it's more than enough. We each have to figure out what we want, and then LEARN how to achieve that. Failing to do this self-analysis and just clinging to what little you have is NOT the right answer.

I have developed a lifestyle for myself that gives me multiple sources for the things I need: Sex, affection, validation, etc. I don't bullshit myself about what a tough guy I am and how I just need to suck it up. I make sure I can stay tough by having the resources I need always readily at hand. I have more than one woman I can have sex with. I have more than one woman who will give me affection. I have many many people in my life who will give me validation when I need it (being "self-validating" really means creating a lifestyle for yourself where you never lack for validation and therefore never actively have to seek it).

Being new to the Game can easily fuck up your head. Before, you have NO idea what you want or what you have to do in life. Then you discover the Game and you're like, "shit! I need SEX and this is how I can get it!" This is OK for a while, but then you meet a cool girl who's willing to stick around for a while longer and then when she leaves, you get fucked up again and go back and look at "SEX" as the answer. But it isn't! At some point, you have to learn to analyze YOURSELF. You have to become your own forum: A place in your mind where you are actively studying YOURSELF and learning what you need and how you can get it.

Of course, you need more in your life than even just sex and affection. But that's part of the same journey and will ultimately lead to a life that's very happy and fulfilling, and will never leave you wondering where you went wrong and how do you get back to the "good old days". There is no such thing as the good old days when every single day is better than the last.

~Tubarao

Masculine/Feminine Energy VS Drama

2009-06-11T05:58:00.000-07:00

I'm attracted to feminine energy. Feminine women are attracted to my masculine energy. The way I demonstrate my masculine energy is through dominance, aggression, leadership, and rage (not anger). The way women demonstrate their feminine energy is through flirtatiousness, affection, possessiveness (not jealousy), and vibing ("good" shit tests). These are examples; there are more of course.

When I say that I don't tolerate drama, I mean things that will actually cause drama for me. If a woman shit tests me, I'll laugh it off, and it's no big deal. No drama. If she persistently shit tests me, or if she puts me in a double bind, then that causes drama. In both those cases, the only solution is a Next. Women don't really think of drama as drama, they're just being themselves. So it's up to me to TRAIN her to understand what I will and won't tolerate (= LEADERSHIP). By laughing off a minor shit test, I show her that I will not let her affect my state, nor will I let her change my character (= secure in myself).

Similarly, your masculine energy CAN cause drama. A woman with damaged femininity (= freak) won't know how to reply to your masculinity. But even a feminine woman can feel drama from your energy and take it as a green light to feed you drama back. So you have to be masculine from a position of strength, not from a position of insecurity. ANGER demonstrates insecurity. It WILL cause drama, and rightfully so. If you are angry, and she gets angry in return, that's YOUR fault. A lot of relationships among inexperienced men have that problem. The guy is angry for whatever reason, the girl becomes angry, and then it just resonates between them until they're breaking furniture. Similarly, the girl might be angry from having a bad day, and the guy, not knowing how to lead, takes it personally and gets angry too, and the same thing happens.

I included Rage on my list of masculine qualities. This is like a seething anger, a torrential energy of such force that it threatens to drown her, EXCEPT that you hold it back and keep her SAFE. That's right! You are keeping her safe from yourself! Women are attracted to men who are able to protect them. That means you have be able to get ANGRY (= Rage) at someone who threatens you or the ones you love. But women are also attracted to a man who can keep them safe and keep their state positive. That means that you never direct your anger/rage at THEM (unless they truly disrespect you). This is why guys who are always docile are unattractive! Women WANT a man who has a lot of masculine energy, and you can't demonstrate that by always being happy-go-lucky. So again, Anger comes from insecurity (weak), RAGE is the FIGHT part of the fight-or-flight response (strong).

This is why I say that I love and embrace feminine energy. And I choose women in my life who embrace masculine energy. Some guys take this to mean that I like Drama. I believe those same guys are looking at it through their personal lens: In their experience, they only demonstrate masculine energy when their masculinity is threatened by a woman (= insecurity) as opposed to from a position of strength and leadership (= alpha). I don't tolerate Drama, but I LOVE femininity, and I love to lead women to greater and greater heights of their femininity by strong masculine leadership (the higher your Yang, the higher her Yin!).

~Tubarao

The Business End of Love

2009-06-02T12:03:00.000-07:00

Make no mistake, a typical long-term Relationship, especially a marriage, is a business arrangement. The man typically offers security (MONEY), and in exchange the woman gives him Sex. Unfortunately, most women withdraw their end of the bargain as soon as the vows have been exchanged, and even more unfortunately, the laws in the Western world allow women to break their end of the arrangement with no repercussions (in fact, if the MAN decides to end their now void agreement, the WOMAN stands to profit greatly). Women will argue vehemently about how shallow the man is or how she shouldn't be treated like a whore (which is funny because marriage amounts to legalized prostitution), but invariably it comes down to her using chick logic to justify why she's entitled to all the benefits of the marriage without any of the cost (EG. Giving him her pussy). And anybody who says that a man enters into a relationship for any reason other than sex, or that the sex ever gets outweighed by something else (eg. desire for kids) is living in a fantasy world.

That focused a little more on the business of marriage than I intended. The real point of my post was to point out that BOTH men and women enter into Relationships with one another to get something. If they are fuck buddies, then they both are in it for sex. A couple may also be together for affection, status, security, or a host of other reasons. But the fact remains that if at any point either the guy or the girl withdraws their end of the exchange, then there's no reason why the other should be forced to stick it out.

The example I'm referring to is the reader question below, where the man's girlfriend stopped fucking him. He continued to give her his time, energy, and affection, but she STOPPED giving him sex. The reason why is irrelevant. The fact that if "he really loved her, he'd understand" is fucking bullshit. This excuse is used countless times whenever someone wants to get something for nothing. It's the same excuse as, "well, if you really LOVE your country, you will allow rich bankers to illegally siphon off your pension to fill their already fat pockets." And the reason people continue to accept such an extremely unbalanced arrangement - and the reason why men will stay with a woman who withdraws sex - is because they're hoping that it will some day go back to the way it was. IT WON'T.

There is a caveat. If you are dishonest about the reason why you are with a person, then it's your fault if they withdraw something that they didn't realize was the real reason you were with them. One example is the guy who tells a girl that he doesn't care about sex, that he just "likes her for her." This is a flat-out lie, unless he has no sex drive. Another example is the woman who says she doesn't need the guy to buy her things, but then gets upset when he stops (she will of course not actually SAY so, she will say things like "I feel like you don't care about me anymore.").

But assuming that a man and a woman are open and honest with one another, then it's up to BOTH of them to keep the Relationship alive by providing their fair share. Of course, by honesty, I don't mean he should say "fuck me or I'm leaving", and she shouldn't say, "spend money on me or I'm leaving." However, he SHOULD say, after they've had incredible sex, "I love how passionate you are with me. I love it that you share all of your feminine energy with me." And she too should give him positive reinforcement when he does something that she appreciates ("You are so MANLY when you take care of me like that.").

You should NEVER stay in a Relationship that you are unhappy in. You should NEVER continue putting your energy into a Relationship when your lover has stopped putting theirs. A Relationship will NOT magically get better if you just cling to them long enough. In fact, it will KILL whatever attraction remained, and you have effectively destroyed any chance of rekindling it.

Pursue Relationships on YOUR terms. You are the ONLY person who TRULY cares about your own happiness. It is up to YOU to have the strength to not let others take advantage of you, in love and in life. Give freely without expectation, YES, but do not spend time with those who TAKE freely.

~Tubarao

Another Reader Question

2009-06-02T12:00:00.000-07:00

From Reader "M":

What's up man?

First off, I just wanted to let you know that I am a big supporter of your blog and your posts on mASF. You seem like you really know what you are talking about and I enjoy the brutal-yet-practical advice you give out to the younger, more inexperienced guys such as myself.

I'm writing to you about a certain situation I'm having with my primary GF. The way I operate is that I travel quite frequently, all over the States and to Asia as well, so I like to have a GF or two in every main city that I regularly visit. I never promise exclusivity and I'm quite comfortable upholding the cocky player image.

Recently, I've been working mainly out of this one location for the past few months so I have been spending more time with the GF from that city. She is also the one that I happen to care the most about, my "primary" if you will. We have been seeing each other on and off for about two years and we've had our ups and downs, but throughout we've maintained our affection for each other and our sexual freedoms (meaning she doesn't ask or bother me about my other women and I can expect her discretion when she is out or partying with other people/dudes).

Through March and April, we were actually on a tempestuous break. She felt that she needed more commitment and wanted to try something new/stable so she found herself a very nice provider-type guy and dated him for a while. I respected that and gave her a little space and went into manslut-mode on my own, had fun with a couple new girls. Throughout the break however, she ended up sleeping with me several times behind this new guy's back... then eventually broke up with him and started seeing me again.

We "got back together" around the beginning of May and for the first two weeks it was very intense/passionate, as it often is after drama and tension-building. Over the last two weeks though, things have been a little off. What marked the beginning of the weirdness, so to speak, was that two weeks ago, her parents came to visit. Now, we live in a college town (she is a senior, I am a recent grad). Her parents know about me but assume she is a virgin. Her parents are very conservative/relgious, although they are a loving, happy couple and provided a wonderful, stable home for her throughout her childhood. When her parents came, they were randomly looking through her room and found evidence (condoms and such) that she and I had been fucking. They flipped out, but more than anything they were very very VERY disappointed/sad at her.

After this incident, her sex drive took a dramatic plunge. Though I still kino and we sleep together frequently and fool around (groping and stuff), she is resistant to full sexual escalation. She will break it off if we start kissing. I kino her a lot and when I'm touching her in intimate places, she'll say things like "Inappropriateee" in a joking tone and break off the escalation. The only sexual activity we've had in the past two weeks was when I took a short weekend trip to NYC a week ago. It was assumed that I'd be seeing other women and it made her very insecure/jealous I think. We had some passionate sex the day I came back, but after that, back to nothing.

I guess I'm just wondering how exactly to handle this. She wants to hang out with me as usual, we still have awesome times together, but she's not DTF! She says she feels really guilty about her dad and that there is now this new tension between her and her parents, a kind of forced politeness which was never there before. Added to this, her parents don't approve of her career choice (she wants to pursue music and they hate the idea of it) and she hasn't been doing too well in school, so they have recently been giving her much additional grief over this.

Is this a matter of rebuilding attraction? Do you think she is honestly upset/thrown off balance by this situation with her parents? Or is the standard ASF explanation more likely (that she found some new dick or I'm being a pussy)? Did I fuck up somewhere? We see each other almost every day, although it's mostly to go to bed together (we spend the day apart, doing our own thing, and usually meet up at her place or mine to hook up or go to sleep). Is this the main issue in your opinion?

Honestly, I'm just wondering how I can build the sexual tension back up again.

I'd appreciate any feedback you have on this situation. Thanks.

My reply:

First of all, if you really do have so many other girlfriends and can meet girls so easily, then I don't see why you're so preoccupied with this one. I guarantee you that there are many many women who are just as "special" as her but without the sexual hang-ups.

If you are seeing her almost every day, then that is a huge attraction KILLER. On top of that, when she stopped fucking you, you still kept giving her all of your time and affection. She has NO fear of loss. She KNOWS that you will stick around, even if she withdraws sex. You fucked up by not Nexting her immediately.

Yes, I DO thing she's honestly fucked up because of her parents, but more important is that it's TOTALLY IRRELEVANT. It's irrelevant to you, and it's not any more valid of an "excuse" for why she stopped fucking you. So drop the knight-in-shining-armor syndrome. Her problems are not yours.

You will NOT get "sexual tension back" as long as she has no fear of losing you. The relationship is comfortable for her. She can exercise her bullshit drama without having to worry about you leaving. The only solution is to NEXT her immediately. You have an advantage over most guys in that you can easily meet new women, so start doing this immediately. You are a passionate guy. It is unfair that you are acting like her boyfriend without her reciprocating. Why are you willing to accept such an unbalanced arrangement? It won't magically get better. Every day the attraction bleeds off and her impetus to start fucking you again keeps dwindling. Eventually she WILL meet someone who can make her pussy drip again.

Next her now. As you said before, she gets horny every time she gets scared or insecure. Although, honestly, you shouldn't even be thinking about being with her again. Start meeting new beautiful women who are even more awesome. If something happens again with her, cool, but if not, then her loss.

~Tubarao

What she really wants

2009-05-05T19:09:00.000-07:00

My friend Joseph W. South just posted this great quote from Neo-Rio, an old ASF poster: "FORGET having a nice car, outfit and job. These things do NOT give women earth-shattering orgasms - which are, interestingly enough, the only things which really impress them."

This timeless advice is true no matter what kind of relationships you have with women. Certainly women will USE men for their money and status. And this can give inexperienced men the illusion that women like them for these things. The fact is though, if you flaunt your wealth and status (or pretend to), then you will attract women who want wealth and status. These women aren't inherently bad by any means, however your only value to them will be what you buy them and how you effect their social level.

The kind of man that a feminine woman RESPECTS and feels real attraction for is the one who is supremely confident in his own masculinity and has nothing to prove. He will drive around a rusty car and wear a worn t-shirt and still ooze manly power. Just his presence will turn a woman on. He sub-communicates that he will fuck her pussy long and hard until she's just a pile of moans and whimpers. And more than anything else, a woman gets joy from a man that allows her to utterly release her feminine energy, and this happens the most powerfuly when she is naked in bed, experiencing orgasm after orgasm.

Jewelery is nice, but it will only make her ask you for more. Give her what she REALLY wants (but will never admit to).

~Tubarao

Reader question

2009-05-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

Hey guys. Sorry I haven't written in a while. I've picked up photography recently and I've been spending a lot of time reading, studying and shooting! But here's a question from a reader and my reply to him.

Hi Tubarao,

I really enjoy your posts on MASF and your blog, I've learned a lot from them and I want to thank you for sharing your wisdom :) I've come across a small issue that you're really qualified to help with as you have a very loving frame and thats something i've still yet to achieve. Basically I've been reading the manual, the boards and some ebooks about game, and i've come to realise the nature of the "matrix", etc. I've been reading it for awhile, and it's really improved my dealings with women. However, i've noticed I have become a bit paranoid and bitter in my dealings with them- i'm constantly on the lookout for manipulation attempts, i'm paranoid about being betasized, i treat way too many things as a shit test and i'm feeling down because its not looking like I can have an LTR without suffering massive financial and emotional pain.

I'm fairly sure this is a stage a lot of guys reading the boards go through, or it could just be me and my nature, but I was wondering if you had any advice to help me push through this and achieve an "i love women" frame rather than an "i want to have sex with them but i'm scared of being enslaved" frame which seems to be my current one.

Thanks, any advice you give is much appreciated, and keep up the AWESOME work on your blog, your posts and your cool-ass life :)

My reply:

Yup, you're right. A lot of guys DO go through that stage. To an extent it's healthy in that it teaches you to be aware of women's attempts to gain power over you. Even when you learn to love women without judgment, you still want to keep that awareness.

So how do you love women without judgment? Well, you have to realize that all their shit test and manipulation attempts are totally natural and doesn't mean she's purposefully trying to hurt you. As the leader in the relationship, it's your job to recognize this and and appreciate her for it. When a child starts begging you for candy, you don't get mad at it for trying to manipulate you; you just firmly but gently say no. So too with women, when they challenge you, they're giving you an OPPORTUNITY to demonstrate your leadership.

So yes, be aware of their shit tests. etc. But don't be "bitter" about it. Instead, see it as her being CUTE and FUN. It's a challenge. It makes the relationship exciting. If she never challenged you, the relationship would grow boring very quickly (and likewise you should challenge her in return). A simple excercise to help you is this: Every time she shit tests you and you feel yourself getting annoyed, LAUGH. Just laugh. Eventually it'll come easily and naturally. Don't be sarcastic about it, just be lighthearted. And laughing when she shit tests you is also a great way to handle it. It's like saying, "aww, isn't that cute!"

Regarding LTRs (long-term relationships)... You can have an LTR with a woman without marrying her. And you only should be with her as long as the relationship is positive for both of you. This is true whether you practice LTRs or MLTRs (polyamourous relationships). But if it's something you'd like to try, then do so, as long as you don't use it as an excuse to not meet many beautiful women.

~Tubarao

Conclusion of interview with JWS!

2009-04-10T13:11:00.000-07:00

The rest of it!

http://realmodernman.com/main1/jws0082/

Check it out!

~Tubarao

Keeping the Relationship Magical

2009-04-06T12:09:00.000-07:00

How many times have you seen that couple? They're together but there's no joy. They go through the motions of the relationship, but there's little touching, no sizzle. The only strong emotions they share anymore is when they argue. Their relationship is one of comfort. They agree to be together so that neither has to fear loneliness. What's the point? Is this the ultimate fate of all relationships? NO!

When your relationship first starts, it's full of excitement, full of passion. It's exhilarating to be with this new person. Every look sends warmth coursing through your body, every touch a shock across your skin. When you hold each other, your very souls vibrate with ecstasy. You know what it is? TENSION. It's the euphoria of being with your sexual counterpart while simultaneously fearing their loss. And if you want to maintain the tension in a relationship, you have to maintain that fear of loss!

This doesn't mean you have to break-up every month or cause drama, although that can work if you're with someone with a low self-esteem. What it does mean though, is that you have to have other people in your life, and other things that you enjoy. As a man, you should have other women in your life, if only as friends. You should have hobbies, goals, and just in general a mission in life that you value. Feminine women are attracted to a man with a purpose, and they feel good supporting the man they're with in his purpose. Simultaneously, having a life beyond the woman he's with will instill her with just enough fear to keep the tension in the relationship. So too should women have their own life.

You should always feel comfortable flirting with others, even when your partner is with you. This isn't about hurting them or boosting your ego. It's about showing them that you're still a sexual being who is attractive to other people. As a man, if your woman sees that you're still able to get a positive reaction out of other women, she will remain attracted to you. It will also cause sexual tension in her. It will naturally cause her to compete with the other women, not in a harmful way, but in a way that will keep the fire in the relationship.

Now, you might be thinking, "yeah right, when I look at other women, she gets in a fight with me," or, "when I flirt with other guys, he calls me a whore." First of all, this shows that the person you're with has a lot of heavy expectations of you. They were attracted to your sexuality, but now want to horde it entirely to themselves. You should question if you want to be with a person like this. But also, it shows that there was some incongruency in your behavior. For example, perhaps you initially avoided flirting with strangers for fear of your partner's reaction, but then you got in a fight and to get back at them you flirted with someone else in front of them. This isn't flirting for the sake of joy or tension; this is a reaction out of anger aimed at causing pain. If you're at a point in your relationship where you're striking out at one another out of resentment, you should NOT be together anymore.

For men though, women will often test you, saying things like, "do you think she's hot?" etc. A lot of men hate questions like this. They feel it's a trap. It's not! It's an opportunity to demonstrate your masculinity! If you were to reply, "no way, you're way hotter," you've just completely killed the tension. You're no longer a challenge to her. She knows she's won. The passion will dwindle after this, and the guy will wonder why she's so upset, even though he says "all the right things." It's because he's saying all the WRONG things. In my case, I may reply, "hell yeah! I want to chew on her ass like a roast suckling!" And for me this is congruent. When she met me I was a sexual and dominant man who was never afraid to express himself, and I'm still that same man. She tests me to verify that I am still the same attractive high-value man she'd met. And by expressing my attraction for other women, I keep a healthy dose of fear in the Relationship.

Don't fear tension. Embrace it!

~Tubarao

Part 4 of My Interview with Joseph

2009-04-01T17:31:00.000-07:00

The second to last part of my interview with Joseph is available:

http://realmodernman.com/main1/jws0081/

This one is the best one yet. I definitely got into the flow of the interview. Check it out! I'm also working on a post about how to keep Relationships "magical", so look forward to that too!

~Tubarao

Part 3 of my interview with Joseph

2009-03-29T12:40:00.001-07:00

Part 3 of my interview with Joseph is now up!

http://realmodernman.com/main1/jws0080/

Enjoy and let us know what you think.

~Tubarao

Part 2 of my interview with Joseph

2009-03-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

Here's part 2 of my interview with Joseph W. South:

http://realmodernman.com/main1/jws0079/

He's editing part 3 right now and will put it up in a couple of days. Enjoy!

~Tubarao

Be the Same Man that She Met (or the Same Woman He Met)

2009-03-24T08:56:00.000-07:00

Most people change in relationships. In fact, it's pretty much accepted among typical relationships. I'm not talking about self-improvement changes, like finding new hobbies or making new friends. Those are great. I'm referring to people who get comfortable and complacent in their Relationships. These are the ones who say, "well, I've got a girlfriend/boyfriend now, so I don't have to work." After all, isn't that the whole POINT of a Relationship, to not have to "play the game"? I have a lot of problems with this attitude.

My first beef is the idea that meeting someone is "work". It's not so much work as a requirement that you step outside of your comfort zone and MEET NEW PEOPLE. This can be hard if you think "all women are bitches", or "all guys are losers." But these are just excuses to avoid interacting with others. And then the same individuals will whine about how there's "nobody good out there to meet." News flash: there are LOTS of REALLY AWESOME people out there! But it requires you to step outside of your own head and be happy and willing to meet new people, and to not place any expectations on them. Once you become comfortable meeting new people, you will have the power of CHOICE. You will have more options of who to be with, and BETTER options as well! The idea that "the one" is out there, and that fate will bring you together is BULLSHIT. And if "the one" IS out there, you will never meet him or her unless you weed out all the other "not the ones". But who says you can't have fun and meet some really cool people in the process.

It's easy to have excuses and depend on luck for everything in your life, including finding love. But, just like with anything else, if you want to be truly happy and successful in your Relationships, you have to put in some initial WORK until you automatically become an attractive person capable of meeting equally attractive people.

OK, so you have met someone great and you're in a great Relationship with them. Now you can relax and coast on the good times, right? WRONG! What was it that made that person so exciting in the first place? It was the hot sexual tension! When you locked eyes with them, you felt that tingle across your skin. Their voice was like electricity through your mind. Every touch sent a jolt through your body that ended in your groin. You would tease each other, you would laugh, you would talk suggestively of being sweaty and naked together. So when does this turn into, "hey, are there any hot pockets left?" And where's the excitement in THAT? I LOVE being with women, and I LOVE every moment I spend with them! If there ever was a point that I didn't want to be with a woman, or I didn't get joy out of being with her, then I wouldn't spend time with her! That lack of tension is what will destroy the Relationship. Women are stimulated by emotions and HOT SEX. They may talk about needing comfort and security, sure, and they have to feel those too, but what they NEED in a Relationship is that hot tension. Otherwise they get bored and resentful. And that's to be expected. If a woman no longer enjoys being with me, that's MY fault.

Spend every moment with her like it's the first! Never stop teasing her. Never stop grabbing her when you are overwhelmed with lust. Never "settle" into the relationship. If a woman asks me where her water bottle is, I'll say, "it's right here in my pants!" With a suggestive wink. Women might gripe about how men "only think about sex." But you know what? That's what they love about us! They only complain in order to TEST us. That's what creates the tension in the Relationship that she so enjoys. She doesn't WANT you to cave in to her. She wants you to always be a challenge, to always be unpredictable, to always be the aggressive man that she first met! Don't change. The game never ends.

~Tubarao

Interwiew with me by JWS

2009-03-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

I was recently interviewed by my friend, Joseph W. South, for his show on the topic of polyamory (having relationships with multiple women). The material applies to any kind of Relationships though, including monogamous ones. Listen to part one of the interview here:

http://realmodernman.com/main1/jws0078/

As the subsequent parts go up, I'll put the links here as well. The interview was based on something I wrote that I will post here in a couple days. So check out the interview and let me or Joseph know what you think!

~Tubarao

RAVAGE Her!

2009-03-20T11:13:00.001-07:00

Man, I just had the most fantastic sex, and I didn't even cum! I picked her up and literally THREW her on the bed. Then I fucked the goddamn shit outta her like I was mining for gold in her uterus. She came so hard and so often she couldn't even suck in a full breath. How? Did I hit all the right spots? No. I didn't even have a good rhythm going. I just drove my cock into her wildly, over and over, like I wanted to see it rip out of her chest. I bit her throat. I grabbed her tits. I picked her up and slammed her back down. I pinned her down so she couldn't move. Her whole universe was my big hard cock driving ferociously into her pussy.

A lot of guys get too preoccupied with little techniques, or are worried too much about their "performance". This was about DOMINANCE. Pure and simple. She just made me so HORNY, that doe-like look in her eyes, like prey that turned a blind corner and came face to face with the wolf. I wanted to CONQUER her, mind, body, and spirit, until there was nothing left of her but a shivering naked sweaty body, shaking in post-orgasmic bliss, lost entirely to the world.

Don't just have sex with your woman. Don't just rub your dick inside her vagina until you cum. OWN her world. Grab her HARD. Just think of her like a delicious piece of steak. There's nothing tentative about it. There's no question of whether or not she's in the mood. I guarantee you after the tenth orgasm she'll be in the fucking mood. Get her ADDICTED to you, until your cock, and your teeth, and your strong hands are all she ever thinks about. Then hold her closely to you and tell her how sexy and gorgeous she is.

~Tubarao

If you want to email me

2009-03-18T10:59:00.000-07:00

My email address is tubs@tubstyle.com. Feel free to email me any questions or comments you have. If I post the question on my blog, I'll refer to you anonymously, unless you ask for your name to be shown.

~Tubarao

How to have Zero Expectations

2009-03-17T09:18:00.001-07:00

It's human nature to want things, to expect the things that we want, and to then be disappointed when we don't get those things. Especially now, it seems that the newest generation feels a mind-boggling sense of entitlement. We feel that we are entitled to easy beauty, limitless fun, fast food, free rewards, unconditional love, and anything our heart desires. But despite what we're taught, those things aren't easy to achieve, and we DON'T automatically deserve good things simply because we perceive ourselves as being better than everyone else.

If you are in the habit of taking for granted the things that you do get, and being upset when you don't get the things you were expecting to get, then you will be MISERABLE. If you're the kind of person who says "my life will be better as soon as I get a better job", or "I will be happy as soon as I get a great girlfriend", or what have you, you are destined for a life that will be one long short-coming.

But I want to focus this topic on women and relationships.

Every time that I've seen a man who was angered or upset at a woman who tests him or isn't "perfect" in some regard, it was apparent to me that he had an expectation of the woman which was not met by her. If you're one of these men, then no matter how perfect your lover seems, she will eventually fail one of your expectations, often by accident or misguided intent, and the relationship will get damaged as a result. THIS IS YOUR FAULT, NOT HERS.

Before I continue, I want to remove some ambiguity. I may say that "I expect respect from women," and that sounds like it goes against my philosophy. But what I really mean is that I DEMAND respect. A demand is different than an expectation. If an expectation is not met, you'll get upset. If a demand is not met, you don't get angry, you simply punish the offending party (for example by removing attention from them). It's OK to make demands of women. But be reasonable, and don't couch expectations within those demands. "Demanding" a blowjob is not what I'm talking about here.

OK, so why would you want to remove expectations? After all, we don't put effort into anything unless it has a payoff. Well, simply put, YOU WILL BE HAPPIER in life. Because whenever anybody does anything for you, it will make you feel good, because you weren't expecting it. And you will never feel bad about not getting something, because you weren't expecting to get it anyway. This may seem like semantics, but believe me, it's a huuuuge mental shift, and one that takes time to make happen.

So how do you go about dropping your expectations? First, you need to be aware of yourself. If you want to have any success in the area of seduction and relationships, before you even begin studying women, you need to study YOURSELF, and to be aware of yourself. You need to learn what activates your emotions, and why. You can then pursue the things that make you feel good, train yourself to feel good as a result of more things, and train yourself to ignore the things that make you feel bad (I don't mean physically ignore; I mean acknowledge it, but let it just pass through your mind without clinging to it). Self-awareness is very important.

Why do we cling to negative emotions? Because in a strange fucked up way, it makes us feel good. Those bad feelings become familiar to us, and we feel comfortable with things that we are familiar with. We begin to identify with those feelings, and we cling to them, for fear that without at least anger and bitterness, there would be absolutely nothing at all. Just look at all the EMO kids out there. They have chosen to identify themselves with negative emotions. And choosing to ditch those negative feelings is both challenging and scary! Because by trying to achieve positive emotions, you are both treading into uncharted territory, and you are letting go off the one thing that makes you feel comfortable. You need to realize this. You have to BE BRAVE.

Second, you have to realize that nobody owes anybody anything. You don't deserve anything by just being you. Your life of suffering doesn't earn you a reward. Just because you pursue a woman relentlessly doesn't mean she owes you sex. Just because you give her a gift doesn't mean she should give you one back. Just because you think of her often and/or love her doesn't mean she in any way should return an equal amount of emotional energy. Everything you do is YOUR CHOICE. If you love a woman, do it because it makes YOU FEEL GOOD, not because you're trying to get something out of her. I love loving women. It makes me feel incredible. We men are logical, and you need to LOGICALLY understand that you are entitled to nothing. And no, this is NOT sad. It is LIBERATING. You have 100% complete control over how you feel. Nobody is in charge of your emotions except for you! You don't need anything from anyone to make you feel good.

It's hard to get to this point. By far the easiest way to achieve it is to have so many women in your life and to have so much fun that you're always getting constant good feelings, before you even have a chance to expect them. After a while, it will become a natural state for you (assuming you're aware of yourself the whole time). If you're an introverted person, or you're a beginner at seduction, or if your idea of a good time is sitting in front of an XBox, then you need to, NEED to, get the fuck out there. You need to start exploring the world. You have to FORCE YOURSELF to enjoy other people, enjoy other things, and enjoy being out. It will most likely at first actually make you more pissed off and you'll want to retreat to the quiet comfort of your bedroom. But keep doing it until you're used to it, and then do it some more until you discover the things that actually DO make you feel good, and then keep doing those things. Just like everything else in life, it's work. But it is so fucking worth it. SOOOO WORTH IT.

Wrap it all up in three bullets:
- Be Aware.
- Be Brave.
- Be Disciplined.

Oh, what a coincidence; those are traits of an Alpha Male.

~Tubarao

Why I Love Women

2009-03-15T19:07:00.000-07:00

You can't get the most out of your life unless you know exactly what you want, and you can't get the most out of your Relationships unless you know what you want out of them and they fulfill that for you. This is true for men AND women. As a man, you must decide from the beginning whether you want something casual, serious, or somewhere in between. Whether you want to be with many women, a few, or just one. And you have to pursue that with complete openness and acceptance. Too many men are uncertain of what they want, or simply wait around and take whatever comes their way. But this is a sure recipe for a mediocre life.

I love women. I love the way they move, the way they laugh, and the way they blush. I love seeing a woman for the first time, hearing her voice for the first time, touching her for the first time, and making love to her for the first time. And for me in particular, I love seeing her and feeling her again and again and watching her sensuality blossom. As a man, my masculinity would be purposeless if it was not for her femininity. There would be no way for me to be certain of my strength as a man if it were not for her tests. I love when a woman tests me. I relish in it. I do not get upset or frustrated when a woman challenges me. Rather I appreciate her even more for giving me an opportunity to demonstrate my power and leadership.

Women are NOT the enemy. A woman is NOT the obstacle to her pussy. Seducing women is a game. But it is not a game of opposition, where you try to batter through her defenses so you can "score". No. It is a cooperative game. She and you are each an essential part: The polar opposites, without which there would be no magnetic pull. A man is enticed by a woman's mercurial nature. She in turn is drawn to his sheer presence. They may each complain about these qualities to their friends, but deep down they are very attracted to them. Those things that "drive you crazy" are also the things that keep you addicted. Certainly I find myself addicted!

By the way, some people don't like the word "seduction", but that is what it is. It is the man's job to seduce the woman. He is the hunter. That does not mean that she is helpless, or that she will always run. But it IS the man's job to make the first moves, and it is the woman's job to let him know (with subtle cues) that she is ready to be conquered by him. Feminine women WANT to be conquered. They want to be with a man who can both keep them safe and give them incredible orgasms. I love that hunt, and I love women, my feminine opposites, for being the alluring creatures that they are.

~Tubarao

Welcome to Tubarao's blog on Sex, Love, and Women

2009-03-11T12:42:00.000-07:00

If you are reading this blog, then you are probably a man interested in having incredible relationships with beautiful women. If you happen to be a woman, then you are interested in meeting genuine and masculine men, or you are in a relationship with a man and wish to encourage his masculinity so that your sexuality can blossom in his presence.

This is a brand new blog, so please return as I add new content.

~Tubarao